Rules Of The Road, Indian Style

Rules Of The Road, Indian Style

Submitted by David Harp

 

Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound,

spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes

hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable — and, when you are

on the roads, extremely dangerous. Most Indian road users observe a

version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 12 rules of

the Indian road are published for the first time in English:

 

ARTICLE I:

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

ARTICLE II:

Indian traffic, like Indian society,is structured on a strict caste

system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In

descending order, give way to:

Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks,

buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters,

auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying),

handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.

ARTICLE III:

All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow

is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian

drivers’ mantra.

ARTICLE IV:

Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):

Cars (IV,1,a-c): Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, rickshaws

and pedestrians from path. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, IE

to oncoming truck: “I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down

we shall both die”. In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing

of headlights (frantic). Single blast (casual) means: “I have seen someone

out of India’s 870 million whom I recognise”, “There is a bird in the road

(which at this speed could go through my windscreen)” or “I have not blown

my horn for several minutes.” Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: “I have an all-up weight of

approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I

could.” This signal may be emphasised by the use of headlamps.

Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in

Article II above.

 

ARTICLE V:

All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the

last possible moment.

 

ARTICLE VI:

In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear

garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.

 

ARTICLE VII:

Rights of way:

Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from

the right, and also traffic in the middle.

Lane discipline (VII,1):

All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel

shall occupy the centre of the road.

 

ARTICLE VIII:

Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the

middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other

impression should be ignored.

 

ARTICLE IX:

Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake

every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken

you.

Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in

the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the

middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches should be allowed

between your vehicle and the one you are passing — and one inch in the

case of bicycles or pedestrians.

 

ARTICLE X:

Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.

 

ARTICLE XI:

Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.

 

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So, there you have it kids…Don’t forget your garland of marigolds

 

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